February 20, 2009

The weirdness of my brain

Posted in Uncategorized tagged at 10:31 pm by vrtrakowski

Two nights ago I dreamed about my grandmother’s house, which sits at the core of my heart, and whose inside I have not seen in over a decade.  Grams died last August, but she and I were there together, and then she went out of the room and I couldn’t find her.  The stove had been replaced with a china cupboard of some kind, and when I woke I wondered what had happened to the dresser that used to stand in the kitchen (believe it or not, it made sense–it was a big kitchen).  It’s not like she could have gone far; it wasn’t a big house.

Some memories one doesn’t handle often, for fear of wearing them out, but that house is so much a part of me that I cannot forget it.  The very ache of bumping my bare toes on the sprinkler heads in the lawn is embedded; the creak of the back room floor; the regret that for all the time I spent there I never actually did see the attic.

Some things I just don’t understand, but they’re there.

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